Lets get personal: Facing your fears

it’s no secret I’ve suffered with body image issues – I’ve spoken about them here on the blog several times and hope to help others feel better about themselves by doing so. What I didn’t tell you is how it has helped me getting over some of my own issues.

See, I am not perfect. But then again, who is?

When growing up, I was different. I was the kid who grew up way too fast, in a family where the tallest person is my mother. She’s 1.60 cm and therefore 8.5 cm shorter than me (yes, the half cm counts!). I was also the kid who started developing breasts at the age of 8 and got her period in the 4th grade. By the time I was 10, I was as tall as my mother. 

It doesn’t seem like a big deal – and it shouldn’t be – but I was made fun of and I dare even say harassed because of it. I remember being in 6th grade, sitting on a bench reading a book during a free period on a Friday, and having two older boys (I suppose in 8th or 9th grade) asking me if they could touch my boobs. I was 11 years old! 

That and comments from other kids who didn’t develop as quickly, took a toll on me. When I was 17 I lost some weight, mainly because I had missed some step classes due to a strained ankle and spent 3 or 4 months going 3x a week so I wouldn’t lose my money. I remember being in 12th grade, it was maybe April or May, and someone from my class said “Wow, you lost weight – you look great!”. It made me thing “was I fat before?”. Some time later we went to one of my aunt’s houses and I told her I wanted to go on a diet. She immediately said she thought it was a great idea, which only made me feel like I was somehow ginormous. And that’s where it all got out of control – ironically in a very controlled way. I started bingeing and starving myself and starting University made things a lot easier, because it meant I didn’t have someone to control me and my eating.

There were other factors involved, but eventually I started putting on a bit of weight. I was in my 2nd year of University, living with my then boyfriend in a flat shared with other 5 people and going through what I then thought was a depression. I now know it was a flare of fibro, but then all I knew was that I was in pain and barely able to get up from bed. Later that year I was admitted to the hospital with a pneumonia and I did gain a lot of weight. Partly because of the medication and partly because I couldn’t move. I literally had problems walking, that’s how little energy I had. 

I moved back home and had to start all over, from my perspective. I felt horrible, fat, ugly, with no energy and pain. A lot of pain. I attributed it to having gained weight – my knees and legs hurt because of that, right? That Summer my uncle told me to my face in a family lunch that I was getting fat – tugging on my arms. I don’t think I left the house without a cardigan after that. I realize he didn’t mean it in a bad way, but words can really damage someone, even if you don’t see it. I started trying to lose weight and I couldn’t. I moved to Vienna for a year and would go for long walks in the city, with no pound shifting from my body. I got back to Portugal and went to the gym, I tried only eating salads and the only way I lost weight was if I only ate a soup a day – ironic, isn’t it? I thought there was something so horrible with me, I hated myself. 

Blogging about body positiveness is a passion of mine. One I put aside for a while, because I didn’t feel good in my own skin and I felt like a hypocrite writing words to encourage others. But the truth is, I do believe in those words, in what I say. But even I sometimes need a little motivation push. Blogging about fashion is something I like and I want to post more outfit articles. But I am scared. Scared to be judges, scared people will see the flaws I see in myself. Do you see the picture below?

It was taken in Wattens, when I was invited to the Swarovski Family Day. It was one of my favorite days so far! Yet, I felt horrible. I was SO bloated, you can even see it in the picture. On a normal day, my stomach is flat. But whenever I eat something that triggers my IBS, it gets bloated. If on top of that I am nervous or stressed, it’s full blown “how-far-along-are-you?” kind of look. I normally close my belt on the third to last hole, but when I’m like this, I have to use the 6th to last hole. That’s a difference of 3 holes, a whole jean size, really. I know this, because my jeans are 1 size big on me right now and when I’m like that, they’re snug. It makes me uncomfortable, but most of all, self-conscious. I was afraid of posting this photograph. Because I was afraid of what you would say. And guess what – no one noticed!

Last Saturday Markus and I went into the city center, to check some stores and walk around. I wore a skirt, with a shirt tucked in and a cardigan. And do you want to know the best thing? For the first time in years, I did not wear a cardigan. I showed my arms! My fat and wobbly arms were out and about! Oh, I did take my cardigan and later on in the day I did wear it, but for a good three hours I was walking around without anything covering my arms. I was scared, in my mind everyone was looking at me, but I did it. And it felt good. 

Why am I writing you this? Because it was hard to face this fear of mine. But it made me want to be more body-positive. After all, we all have bodies, all have flaws, all have dimples and pimples. We should be proud of our bodies, treat them well, show them off! Not be scared of stares, hiding under clothes that are way to hot for the Summertime! I want to start posting more outfit photos, more fashion posts with clothes of my own. And I hope you guys will keep supporting me as you’ve always done until now. Blogging isn’t just a way to express myself, but also a way of getting over certain issues I’ve been carrying around for a long time.

Thank you for being amazing and supportive!

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Inspirational Monday: Yesterday is gone!

Like I told you on snapchat a few weeks ago, I am starting new Inspirational Monday posts! These are still some of my most read posts and I know a lot of you wanted them back. To be honest, I stopped them because I was going through a bad patch in life and I didn’t feel like writing inspirational and uplifting posts, if I wasn’t even able to apply them to myself. At the end of the day, however, you can’t always make yourself happy, there will still be days when things don’t go as planned. But tomorrow is always another day:

There are shitty days. Let’s just put it out there. Everyone has days when things just go wrong, when people are mean or disrespectful to us, when we just feel like nothing we do is good enough or our efforts aren’t appreciated or we just don’t fit anywhere.

So what? No, serioulsy, so what? Everyone has bad days. Heck, last week was one of the shittiest for me. But did you see me complain, cry and give up? Hell no! I’m not going to let a few bad days ruin my whole month or change the way I am! I always try to think that tomorrow is another day, another chance to do better. What happened today, happened today. Tomorrow is another day. What happened yesterday will stay there.

Did someone disrespect you today? Then deal with it today. If someone happened to you yesterday, let it stay there. No need to ruin another day, right? Being positive is extremely hard sometimes, I get it…but being negative is far worse. 

How do you deal with things? Do you also think the past should stay in the past? Let me know how you deal with negativity and hard times! And by the way, do you guys like the quote I wrote? I am trying to make them myself!

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It’s not about Munich..

Paris, Israel, Turkey, Orlando, Belgium, Munich…they all have one thing in common: they have lost lives, they have experienced the fear of a loveless and vicious attack.

I must confess, I am scared. I am scared of what the world is turning into. I am sad to see people losing their faith in humanity…it doesn’t matter what God you believe in, what color your skin is, what clothes you wear or in which country you live…everyone is human and human life is precious.

I was lucky enough to grow up with parents that don’t give a fuck about a skin color or someone else’s religion. I was lucky enough to have parents who taught me to be good to others, that everyone else matters just as much as me. 

These people doing these horrible, vicious attacks…didn’t they have parents? Didn’t they have friends, family, neighbours? What happened for them to get so sad, so lost, so desperate, that they thought this was a good thing to do? How insecure must you be, to believe this is the right way? 

I am scared for my friends, for my family, for myself. 

Centuries ago Portugal and Spain banned muslims from their countries. This was in the medieval times. However, Isis has openly said (more than once) that they’ll attack those two countries. That scares me, not only because of everyone living there, but also because my Mother works in Lisbon. I have family and friends there and I think revenge for something that happened centuries ago, for which we today are not to blame is just stupid

Today it’s about Munich. But shouldn’t it be about every country getting attacked? About every kid that is left without a parent, for every parent left without a child, for every friend left without a friend….when did the world come to this? When did it become the rule, to go out and yell “fuck the foreigners” right before you start randomly shooting at people? Go do something with your life…heck, go play Pokémon Go for all I care…but stop killing each other and start loving and appreciate one another more.

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Rosie Cooks: scones with butter and jam

Well…in all fairness I only made the scones. The butter was store bought and the jam was made by Markus and his sister two Summers ago. Did you know my man can make jam? I didn’t either, until he told me in detail how it was. And it tastes amazingEven better with butter and scones! Keep on reading to know how I made these!

My mum does some very good scones and she did give me her recipe a while ago. But before that I had some cravings for scones and I searched the web for the easiest recipe (what? I like easy recipes…it’s easier and safer on the kitchen..). I was very skeptical about this recipe, but it actually turned out very good!

The base recipe requires these ingredients:

  • 225 flour
  • dash of baking powder (or you can just get flour that already has some)
  • 40g sugar
  • 6 table spoons of milk
  • 1 table spoon butter
  • 1 egg

I change it up a bit, to be honest. The recipe is simply to mix all the ingredients and that’s it. I use less sugar, add a bit of salt and use the butter melted. Otherwise I do what it calls for, I mix it all with my hands and then form small balls. It’s supposed to be messy and not too mixed up, so it gets the texture it’s supposed to have – scone texture. After that you get the scones into the oven that is pre-heated to 180º and wait for about 25 minutes. Oh, and beware, the smell is beyond yummy! They taste best with butter and jam. Any kind of jam. As long as the scones are still hot and the butter melts, the jam gets mixed into the butter and everything tastes heavenly.

This is a very easy recipe for scones, if you want to make them quick. And the good thing, they turn out completely different than my mother’s, so I can still enjoy both versions without feeling guilty! Yay for scones!

Do you like scones? What is your favorite way to eat them? Let me know what your go-to recipe is, for when you want a quick small fix!

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